Peer-Rejection

"EVERYBODY WHO HATES JIMMY," the note read, "sign here." By the time the teacher intercepted the note, which was on its way to Jimmy, all the students in the class had signed it. Jimmy not only had no friends among his classmates, it appeared they all hated him.

Psychologists estimate that between 5 and 10 percent of the children in elementary school classes are without friends. Many of these children are, like Jimmy, actively disliked.

There is perhaps no more important stress for students in school than that coming from peers. In many cases, the anxiety created from peer pressure is much greater and more significant than that coming from tomorrow's test.

Students who lack friendships miss many of the support systems that are absolutely essential for getting through the school day. Friends provide support during times of stress, they provide a source of enjoyment and recreation, they are allies and confidants. The benefits of positive peer relations are often critical to a student's success at school.

John Asher and John Coie, in their book Peer Rejection in Childhood delineate five "popularity subgroups" that will certainly look familiar to anyone who has spent time in a school building:

1. Popular Kids - They are well liked and respected by most or all of their peers.
2. Controversial Kids - They are well liked by some groups and quite disliked by others.
3. Amiable Kids - They are not known very well in school but are socially acceptable.
4. Neglected Kids - They are unnoticed by almost all.
5. Rejected Kids - They are actively excluded and probably bullied or verbally abused by their peers.

This hierarchy is very similar to the one delineated by Dr. Michael Thompson where he sees six groups ranging from the "Very Popular Kids" to the "Rejected Kids." In addition, Dr. Thompson recognizes that students from this last group are those "who frequently lose control, act up excessively and wind up in the principal's office."

As educators, we all have a duty to try to make changes regarding this last group. But even though these students are often easy to identify, fixing the problem can be most challenging. Asher and Coie have some suggestions that are worth considering.

The Rejected group of students needs help increasing their positive social skills. One way to do this is with "coaches." These coaches, teachers or other staff members, teach children how to participate, cooperate and communicate with others. The students are encouraged to smile and make eye-contact with others. They are placed in role-playing situations where a game is played and the Rejected students are challenged to use smiles and eye-contact during the game. Afterwards, they are asked if this "made the game more fun." Almost all agreed it did.

Asher and Coie found such activities helped a number of these students acquire more positive social skills -- which put them well on the road to more positive peer relations.

They also found that partnering less-like students with those who were popular gave the peer-rejected students friendly allies in the classroom. In addition, the popular partner tended to view the social skills of the disliked student in a much more positive manner. They tended to view the more positive qualities of their partner which, in turn, gave the disliked student the confidence he/she needs to make strides in their social contacts.

Why is this important?

As Dr. Thompson says in his book Best Friends, Worst Enemies, "You know friendship in childhood is a better predictor of adult mental health than grades or IQ." He notes that adults would not go back to a job where everyone hated them and they were ridiculed every day. Students have no choice, and for them, "it's devastating."

In addition, rejection can dramatically reduce a person's IQ and their ability to reason analytically, while increasing their aggression, according to research.

"It's been known for a long time that rejected kids tend to be more violent and aggressive," says Roy Baumeister of the Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, who led the work. "But we've found that randomly assigning students to rejection experiences can lower their IQ scores and make them aggressive." A summary of his research is available at NewScientist.com.