Bullies and Bystanders

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence
by Barbara Coloroso.

Barbara Coloroso has written an interesting book designed to help us understand the ways in which these cruel behaviors develop in both boys and girls, recognize and handle situations as they occur, and, most importantly, prevent children from assuming these roles in the first place. It is a well-researched, thoughtful and practical perspective on these complex interpersonal patterns.

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander can be used by both parents and teachers to deal with bullying, an aspect of school that the author feels "is a life-and-death issue that we ignore at our children's peril." Staring with the assumption that "bullying is a learned behavior," Barbara Coloroso explains the ways that the bully, the bullied and the bystander are "three characters in a tragic play." She also demonstrates how "the scripts can be rewritten, new roles created, the plot changed." For each of the three "characters," she breaks down the behavior that defines each role, analyzes the specific ways that each character can have their behaviors changed for the better, and suggests a range of methods that parents and educators can use to identify bullying behavior and deal with it effectively. The book provides insights into behaviors related to but not always recognized as bullying (such as cliques, hazing, taunting and sexual bullying).

What sets Coloroso's book apart from the many other books on bullying are the sections on the "bystander" -- the person whose behavior is too often overlooked or excused. There are chapters devoted to defining the roles of bully, bullied, and bystander. The author devotes much time to ways to change a bully's behavior, support and empower a victim of bullying, and mobilize a bystander to become a witness. Coloroso's optimism in assessing the educator's power to affect change is quite apparent. One cautionary for educators: in the final chapter she shows that while schools clearly have a crucial role in "rewriting the script," they may often contribute to the problem.

By some estimates, bystanders make up almost 85% of the school population. This creates a large and important number of students who may be aware that bullying is occurring but do not have the skills or the inclination to stop it. These bystanders are in a strong position to create a learning environment that is caring and respectful of other students' point of view as well as helping to diminish school violence.

Linda Petrusi, writing for Caribean Net News, has some suggestions for using these bystanders:

• The bystanders fears must be acknowledged by adults who will take action
• Bystanders need to be taught effective ways of intervention and be rewarded for intervening
• Strength in numbers should be emphasized. Bystanders need to be aware that by standing united, they can make a difference and can positively impact a schools environment.